


Drunk and Disorderly

by JustEnjoyYourself



Category: Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Funny, just-enjoy-yourself-00, tom hiddleston - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 23:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3956290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustEnjoyYourself/pseuds/JustEnjoyYourself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom has had too much to drink.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drunk and Disorderly

Lauren sat up in bed, her fingers clutching the blanket. Was that a noise, or was I just dreaming? she wondered.  
She sat stock-still while she listened for any little noise in the house. There it was again! A slight scratching sound.. Lauren felt her heart pounding in her chest. Her hands started to shake.   
Of course, on the one night that Tom wasn't at home, there would be an intruder. 

'Fuck, fuck, fuck..' she whispered to herself as she swiftly but silently let herself slide out of bed.  
She desperately looked around the bedroom for something she could use to defend herself, but found nothing that would do any real damage, if push came to shove.  
Hurriedly, she decided on a clothes hanger and a can of hairspray. She could spray the attacker in the eyes and then..hang up his coat.   
This is how I die, Lauren thought, and sighed deeply.   
Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to be brave, and made her way out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

As she descended the stairs, she could hear the scratching getting louder. It seemed to be coming from the front door.  
'Shit!' a voice muttered, on the other side.   
Lauren cocked an eyebrow. Was that Tom's voice she heard? She stood and listened a moment longer, till she was convinced that it was indeed Tom standing at the door.  
Quickly, she discarded her so-called weapons, turned on the lights and opened the front door.  
She sighed with relief when she saw Tom staring back at her.   
He looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights. His key was still in his hand, as if he was just about to insert it into the lock. His look of utter bewilderment, made Lauren feel confused herself.

'Tom?' she asked, as she stepped aside to let him in. 'What's going on?'  
Tom walked inside, and tripped over the threshold as he did.  
'Oh fuck.' he cursed, while looking back at the offending doorstep.  
'Darling.'   
He sloppily kissed Lauren on the cheek.   
'I think there's something wrong with this lock. My key wouldn't fit.'  
Lauren took a look at the door but could see nothing out of the ordinary.  
'Really? Let me see.' she asked.  
Tom handed her his key and then crossed his arms.  
Lauren looked at him sceptically as she noticed how he was slightly swaying back and forth. 

She looked from Tom to the key, and then back at Tom again, with her eyebrow raised.  
'Well? It's broken isn't it?' Tom said assuredly.   
Lauren gave him a stony glare. 'Tom, this is a key to a bicycle lock.' she replied flatly.   
'Is it? What??' Tom scrunched up his face.  
'Yes, it is! What is this nonsense?'  
Lauren slammed the door shut, pushed the key back in his hand and locked the front door, using her own set of keys.  
'You don't even own a bicycle, Tom. Whose keys are these? And more importantly, who has yours??'

Tom shrugged and slipped out of his coat.  
'I dunno. Strange. Because I walked home from the pub. So, I don't know, but I think you might be mistaken.'  
He smiled sweetly at Lauren and hanged his coat on the hanger, where it promptly fell off.   
Tom didn't seem to notice, or care, and just continued to walk to the sitting room.   
Lauren looked at him with her mouth hanging open and then shook her head as she saw him stagger towards the couch.   
She picked up his coat from the floor and hung it up properly, before following him.

'So...' she began gently, 'I take it you've had a good time then?'  
Tom kicked off his boots and stretched himself out on the couch.  
'Yes, it was quite enjoyable. You know, just a quiet drink with friends.'  
'How many drinks have you had?'   
Tom sat up and started to count on his fingers. He counted off 4 fingers before he shook his head and started over again. Then he counted till 5, before he shook his head in confusion again.  
Lauren looked at him in silence, and wondered if he was counting glasses or barrels.  
'Uhm, I think it was...two.' Tom said after a moment.

'Two drinks..'  
'Yeah..something like that.' Tom said, not making eye contact.  
Lauren bit her lip to stop herself from bursting out in laughter. She liked seeing Tom like this, she couldn't deny that. He was so cute when he let go of his self control for a little bit. It didn't happen very often, these days.  
'Fine. We'll look for your keys in the morning. I'm going back to bed.' she said, standing up.  
'Will you be okay, or do you need me to help you?'  
Tom waved her concerns aside.   
'I'll be fine, come on, I'm a grown man. I can handle a drink or two.'  
Lauren slowly nodded and walked back to their bedroom.

Once she got settled back into bed, she could hear Tom getting up from the couch with a grunt. That sound was followed by the rumble of him tripping over his own boots. After some grumbling and cursing, there was only silence. Lauren sat up and wondered if she should go downstairs to help him anyway. She was just about to get up, when she could hear Tom scramble around again.  
She heard him knock into the door and curse again as he went into the kitchen, where he got himself a glass of water.  
It was when she heard Tom stumble on the stairs, that Lauren decided that she had had enough. She got out of bed to help him, despite his protests.  
She was standing on the top of the stairs, when she saw him sprawled out on the bottom step with his eyes closed.  
'God damn it, Tom.' she hissed. 'Just let me help you.'  
'I don't need help darling, I am fine!' he protested. He sat up and opened his eyes wide.  
'Just go to bed, I'll be there shortly.'  
'Yeah? Are you sure, or should I just get you a pillow and a blanket so you can continue your slumber here on the floor?'  
Lauren stooped down to allow him to lean on her as he got up the stairs.  
'I can't sleep if I expect to hear you fall down and break you neck at any moment.' she continued.

'Ahw, pish posh!' Tom cried out.  
'Pish posh..?!'  
Lauren burst out laughing, and accidentally dropped Tom on the stairs.  
'Ouch! Lauren! That hurt!'  
Lauren kept laughing, clutching her sides.  
'Oh god Tom', she managed to sputter out between bouts of laughter. 'You are really something else. You're trying so hard to sound sober, but the more you do, the weirder you sound.'  
Tom crawled up from the stairs and pouted at her.  
'What are you talking about? I AM sober, maybe just a little bit tipsy, that's all.'  
'Sure you are..' Lauren replied after recovering, 'That's why you suddenly sound like a 60 year old Victorian aristocrat.'  
She placed herself at Tom's side again to support him, and guided him up the rest of the stairs and into their master bathroom.

Once they were in there, Lauren pushed him up against the sink, so he had something to hold on to.  
'You just stand here for a moment, mister-two-drinks-sober..' she said mockingly.  
Tom scrunched up his face. 'Well, hold on just one moment, you!'  
He held his finger up in the air as he spoke.   
Lauren continued to retrieve his toothbrush and toothpaste while she listened. 'Hmm?'  
'Just what are you implying?'  
Lauren put the toothpaste on the brush, ran it underneath the tap and pushed it into his hand.  
'Sweetness, look at yourself in the mirror, and then tell me if that's the face of a sober person.'  
Tom started to brush his teeth and looked at himself.  
'I look the same as always.' he said after spitting. He rinsed, and began to wash his face.  
'Handsome devil, that's what I am.' he said with a wink.

Lauren handed him a towel.  
'Handsome devil indeed! Your face is bright red and your eyes aren't focussed.'  
Before Tom could object she pushed him towards the bedroom.  
'Just get undressed and try to get into bed without breaking a leg, mister handsome.'  
Tom sat on the edge of the bed and took off his shirt and jeans. He tried so hard in his mind, to come up with a clever retort, but his brain seemed to betray him. So he just scrunched up his face and pouted to show his displeasure.   
When he was done, he wondered what he should do with his clothes. For a moment he held them in his arms and looked around, before deciding to just drop them on the floor.  
Lauren sighed as she saw the whole spectacle unfold, but didn't utter a word. She pushed him into bed and covered him up with the blanket, before getting into bed herself.

Tom immediately scooted closer to her.  
'I love you..' he whispered.  
'I love you too.' replied Lauren as she tried to get comfortable.  
'Let's smooch..'  
Lauren rolled her eyes and tried not to start laughing again. 'Smooch, really?'  
Tom crawled even closer to her and held her tightly against him, with his arm on her belly.  
'Are you angry with me?' he asked softly.  
'No..'  
'I'm sorry I woke you.' he said again in a soft voice.  
Lauren smiled to herself. 'That's okay, love. I'm glad you got home safely.'  
Tom kissed her firmly on her neck.  
'I might have had more than two drinks..' he confessed.  
Lauren laughed softly. 'Nooooo...Really?' she said in mocked surprise.  
When no answer came, she turned her head back, and saw that Tom was already fast asleep.  
She smiled, and within moments fell asleep herself, while being soothed by his heartbeat.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr, for more stories: just-enjoy-yourself-00


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